Is someone you know in danger? >>

Are you afraid of your partner? >>

Has your partner asked you to seek help for abusive behaviors? >>

Are you concerned…? >>

Would you like a CADV representative to address your group, school, organization or faith community regarding domestic violence?

What is domestic violence?

The definition of domestic violence is the systematic use of emotional, sexual and/or economic abuse tactics to maintain power and control in an intimate relationship.

Most people think domestic violence means physical abuse, but this is not all that it is. Many people suffer in various ways from the emotional/psychological/verbal abuse.

Is someone you know in danger?

If he/she is in immediate danger please call 911 to get help. If you have questions regarding domestic abuse, please look over this website or call Portland Women's Crisis Line. This number can be found at the top of each screen/page.

Are you afraid of your partner?

Have you been yelled at? Has your partner thrown things? Has your partner slammed things?

Being afraid is where your partner wants you to be in order to control you. You are afraid for good reason. Trust your intuition, believe in yourself, seek information and help for you and your children's well being. No one deserves to live in fear. Our homes are supposed to be a safe haven for ourselves and our children. Give someone a call, talk about it, what you are experiencing is real and not what real love is all about.

Put a safety plan in place.

Has your partner asked you to seek help for abusive behaviors?

(The list below are only some examples, it is not a complete list of the many abusive behaviors that happen in an abusive relationship.)

What are abusive behaviors?

Physical – blocking, hitting, pushing, slapping, scratching and strangling/choking.
Psychological/emotional – these are controlling behaviors used to manipulate, undermine, and confuse you.
Verbal – yelling, silence, put downs, threats, blaming, criticism and name calling.
Sexual – unwanted touch, sexual jokes, affairs, and rape.
Financial – controlling the money, taking your whole paycheck, excessive spending, denying basic needs and interfering with you getting or keeping a job.
Property – throwing objects, breaking objects, slamming things and hitting walls or countertops.
Spiritual – misusing scriptures to get ones way, not allowing you to attend church, not allowing God to be a part of your life and questioning your theology or salvation.
Animal – kicking, throwing, hurting, or killing a family pet.

If you need help with learning new healthy behaviors, please give someone a call.

Are you concerned about your behaviors?

Have you asked yourself any of these questions?

• Do I have an 'anger problem'?
• Do I 'overreact' during conflicts?
• Is it 'normal' to get loud, or call people names, or express my anger by throwing something or hitting something during an argument?
• How can I stop from 'blowing up' or 'losing it' when I think someone is being unreasonable?
• Since I know it's wrong to abuse people, why do I keep doing it? Why don't I stop doing it even though I said I would?

A Domestic Violence Intervention Program can help you answer these questions and provide the information and support you need to make the changes that will allow your partner and/or children feel safe with you. Contact one of the following organization's that provide services in the East Multnomah County area.

Are you concerned about your family/children/parents?

AND

Are you concerned about your friend/neighbor?

The first thing to do is educate yourself on the issues surrounding domestic abuse. Get information from resources for yourself and if and when an opportunity arises, give the information to the person you are concerned about. Share the information with the person, tell them that you are concerned, but don't push them. It takes a lot to leave an unhealthy relationship and people don't leave for a variety of reasons. Always keep the other person's safety in the forefront of your thinking. Be careful, try not to re-victimize the other person or put the other person in more danger. Sharing the information with them, being there for them, believing them, letting them know that you care and are concerned are all very important.

THOUGHTS FOR SAFETY PLANNING

• Identify a person you can trust and who won't blame you for the abuse to discuss the situation and to safety plan with you.
• Remember that leaving can be a dangerous time. Be sure to take all precautions.
• Have phone numbers handy for immediate assistance: 9-1-1, crises line, shelters, a court advocate, a friend, alternative housing.
• Make a code word with your children to call the police if an incident arises.
• If there is a safe person to tell, ask them to call the police if they hear anything suspicious from your home.
• Make a list of what you need, pack what you can of these things, and keep them in a safe place for easy access if you decide to leave: Money, credit card, bank account numbers, checks, birth certificates, marriage certificate and other identification papers, medication, house or car ownership papers, house keys, car keys, children's favorite toys, seasonal clothing.
• If you do decide to leave, plan the safest way for you and your children to get out.
• If there are guns in your home, take necessary precautions; e.g. make sure they are not loaded.
• Have a plan for transportation-day or night. If you leave, let someone know your plans and when you arrive safely at your destination.
• If you have a restraining order, keep it with you at all times.
• Join a support group for support and information.
• Trust your intuition and do whatever you feel is necessary to protect yourself.
• Discuss with your children only what you think they need to know about the situation and what is appropriate for their age.

Each person knows their abuser best and will need to plan what is best for their own situation. The one in the abusive relationship is the best judge of what to do and what not to do in their own safety planning. If you need help with safety planning, please call Portland Women's Crisis Line for assistance.